Here it is Saturday and yet another week has gone by without getting a date to travel to Milana's country. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. Each day during the week I wake up and race to the computer in hopes I have an email from my amazing state side coordinator telling me I got my travel date. And each day I am disappointed because no such email is there. I try to stay busy throughout the day (each day) but it can be difficult as I am so pre-occupied with checking my email.
I should feel a sense of relief today because it is the weekend and I don't have to worry about checking my email to see if there is any news on that date - on that beautiful date that will tell me I am welcome to come to Milana's country and meet with the State Dept. of Adoptions and begin the adoption process in Milana's country - on her soil.
Instead of feeling that relief that the weekend is here I feel like I want to pick up the remote and fast forward to Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day that email is going to arrive. Then I feel guilty about wishing away precious time that I have here with my girls and my honey who worries when I have a case of the Mondays. (Sorry honey)!!!
I just want my little girl home with us so badly. As each day passes the realization that we will not have Milana home for her birthday becomes more and more of a reality. When I sent my paperwork to Eastern Europe at the end of May we were sure we would have her home for her birthday, but due to circumstances beyond our control that will not happen.
Some days I feel like we will never get there. This has been such an emotional journey. I am looking forward to being at the end of this journey with Milana home. I want to look back at all of this (like I have been told by my sweet friends who have been such an amazing support to me) and be able to say "that wasn't so bad" or "it wasn't really that long of a wait". As I sit here now wanting to hold Milana in my arms and hug her and love her it seems like it is taking forever!