It seems like I wake up every morning realizing I had dreamt about Milana the night before. Sometimes when I wake up I am sad by what I had dreamt. Other times I can't help but smile.
The other night I dreamt that we got all the way to Eastern Europe and got to Milana and they would not let us adopt her. I remember getting all the way to her orphanage and they wouldn't even let us see her. They told us no and sent us away.
It was such a scary, scary dream and I woke up with tears in my eyes. The thought of getting to her and not being able to take her home and make her my daughter is very frightening. The thought of not getting her at all is frightening. In my mind and in my heart Milana is already my little girl. I guess that is why the waiting is so difficult. I mean who wants to be away from their little girl for such a long time?
Last night I dreamt that I was with her. I'm not sure where it is we were in this dream. I know we weren't in her orphanage, but we weren't home either. In this dream I was getting to do all sort of Mommy things like give her a bath and dress her in new clothes. She kept smiling at me and hugging me. She even told me she loved me. Of course in real life from what little we know of her she only has a few words and they aren't English words. But she told me plain as day in my dream that she loved me. She thanked me for being her Mommy. That may sound silly because she is only 2 (she'll be 3 in September), but dreams aren't always realistic. I just love that I got to hold her and squeeze her and the kisses she kept giving me felt so real. I just love this little girl so much. My little Milana.
Now I am left wondering if she is a little snuggle bunny like she was in my dreams. I just want to hold her and love her.